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Confusional Reincarnation by ~scolieri:iconscolieri:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Fixed


For years,
I've been living for the dreams...
Where my pain disappears.
I've been living for illusion,
Where I faced too deep confusion.

And now it’s hard to see,
For my reality is mixed,
With pleasure and the pain,
Of love and true disgrace.

My life led me to tears,
The dreams gave me my wills,
To leave all pain behind,
And start all over now.

But still I haven't found,
My spirit and my mind,
For I've yet to find,
You, my dearest one.
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Submitted: January 11, 2007
File Size: 660 bytes
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Comments: 26
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Author's Comments

Thanks to :

JenniferStarling [link]
evilchik [link]
LadyGreensleeves [link]
JoelTomkins [link]

For some error checking and suggestions.
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Comments


~JenniferStarling:iconJenniferStarling: Jan 11, 2007, 5:52:21 PM
Pretty good. The meter is a little bit off but quite close to being perfectly regular; the language is simple and straightforward, keeping this from being saccarine. I'd suggest changing the "cause"s to "for" because it's less slang-y. :)

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~LightAndDark03:iconLightAndDark03: Jan 11, 2007, 7:14:58 PM
awesome poem. Really good
~scolieri:iconscolieri: Jan 12, 2007, 12:15:55 AM
Thanks Jennifer.
I really appreciate your comment...
I think I'll change causes to for :)
That's something i didn't know...and "cause"-s actually make me kinda feel uncomfortable with it :)

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~evilchik:iconevilchik: Jan 12, 2007, 2:50:25 AM
for martla uketesi iqneba....for kargad jgers :) :)

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~scolieri:iconscolieri: Jan 12, 2007, 11:36:19 AM
maybe maybe :D

ravi vnaxav...magram aq shecvla mezareba magis :)

da tan..ra mnishvneloba aq? :D

poetry ari poetry :)

magram mainc uketesi iqneba

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~LadyGreensleeves:iconLadyGreensleeves: Jan 19, 2007, 4:30:04 PM
This is so beautiful....

But I think it should be in the lyric category, because I imagine it to music and the words seem so genuine.. I believe it would make a beautiful love song. To any kind of music.
~scolieri:iconscolieri: Jan 19, 2007, 5:36:06 PM
thanks for warm comment...
actually i think that every poem, can be sang...depends on how u can do it :D
and...if i'd write this poem initially for our songs, then i'd place it in lyric category...
:D thanks

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